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Kirk once more demonstrates his hatred for computer-run utopias in The Apple. He and several crew members, including Spock and McCoy, beam down to a garden planet. They let their guard down, overcome by the planet's beauty, and in short order two crew members die - one thanks to a poisonous dart flower, one due to explosive rocks.

Yes. Random explosive rocks.

The planet is reported to be inhabited, and Kirk and Spock manage to locate one of the locals, who leads them back to his village where the entire landing party are welcomed warmly. The people have very dark, kind of reddish/orange tinted skin and kind of goofy looking white wigs, and have always reminded me somewhat of very tall Oompa Loompas. Reports come in that some sort of strange planet side force is holding the Enterprise captive, that the Enterprise is losing power, and it's only a matter of time before it crashes planet side. Oh, and of course the strange force keeps anyone from beaming back on board.

The crew discover that the village is run by a computer shaped like a dragon's head named Vaal, who provides for their every need but needs to be fed regularly. The villagers are safe and happy, never age, never get sick, never die, but also never advance, aren't allowed to fall and love, and sex is right out. Well, you know how Kirk is when it comes to stagnant paradises... At the beginning, McCoy argued for doing something to get the villagers, well, doing something for themselves, Spock argued against it, and Kirk pretty much argued, "Shut up, don't care, ship's in danger." Kirk eventually sides with McCoy, anyway, but by plot contrivance, he has to destroy Vaal in order to free the Enterprise, anyway.

Vaal tries to turn the villagers against the landing party (mostly because Checkov getting with his snuggle-bunny all the time are infecting the villagers with Wrong Ideas), and sends them to kill them, but the villagers are kind of wusses - even Chekov's ditzy snuggle-bunny manages to take out two of them. The Enterprise landing party gathers the Vaalians up and make them stay in a tent and refuse to let them feed Vaal. Then they shoot Vaal, using both hand-held phasers and weapons from the Enterprise, blowing it up. Kirk gives a grand speech about how wonderful it is to make your own decisions, and everyone heads back to the Enterprise, where Kirk and McCoy dismiss Spock's misgivings on the basis that Spock has pointed ears.

Seriously. Normally, I quite like the friendship between Kirk and Spock, even with the teasing over Spock's alien nature, but the whole, 'Your argument has no validity because you have pointy ears, haha!' thing kind of pissed me off. >:(

As a note with the excerpts below: generally if Kirk and Scotty are talking, it's over a communicator.

A second note: this episode has a very high number of Redshirt deaths compared with the other episodes. In fact, every red shirt to beam down with the crew at the beginning (and there are five) except the chick bites it.

CHEKOV: It makes me homesick. Just like Russia.
MCCOY: More like the Garden of Eden, Ensign.
CHEKOV: Of course, Doctor. The Garden of Eden was just outside Moscow. A very nice place. It must have made Adam and Eve very sad to leave.
KIRK: Just outside Moscow. All right.

In the actual show, McCoy sounds very pissy as he says his line. It's kind of baffling. Why would he be so offended by Chekov's comment?

MARTHA: All this beauty, and now Mister Hendorff dead, somebody watching us. It's frightening.
CHEKOV: If you insist on worrying, worry about me. I've been wanting to get you in a place like this for a long time.
KIRK: Mister Chekov, Yeoman Landon. I know you find each other fascinating, but we're not here to conduct a field experiment in human biology.

Indeed, Checkov! Quit with the smoochies-smoochies on duty!

SPOCK: Interesting. Extremely low specific gravity, some uraninite, hornblende, quartz. (breaks it in half) Fragile, good cleavage. An analysis should prove interesting.
(He throws one half away, and it explodes when it hits the ground.)
KIRK: Would you mind being careful where you throw your rocks, Mister Spock?
SPOCK: Obviously highly unstable, Captain. This could be a find of some importance. In large quantities, it could be a considerable source of power.
KIRK: Garden of Eden, with land mines.

KIRK: Spock. Are you all right?
SPOCK: Doctor McCoy's potion is acting like all his potions, turning my stomach. Other than that, I am quite well.
MCCOY: If your blood were red instead of green, you wouldn't have an upset stomach.

Right. Because it's not McCoy's problem. It's not like he should have adjusted his medication for a half-alien patient or anything. No, it's all Spock's fault for daring to be half-alien to begin with, that bastard!

KIRK: Just what do you think you were trying to do?
SPOCK: I surmised you were unaware of that plant, so I
KIRK: Stepped in front and took the thorns yourself.
SPOCK: I assure you, Captain, I had no intention of doing that. It was merely my own clumsiness which prevented me from moving out of the way.
KIRK: I see. Well next time, just yell. I can step out of the way as quickly as the next man.
SPOCK: I shall do so.
KIRK: Trying to get yourself killed. Do you know how much Starfleet has invested in you?
SPOCK: One hundred twenty two thousand two hundred
KIRK: Never mind. But thanks.

SPOCK: Captain. In each case, this was unavoidable.
KIRK: I could've prevented all of it.
SPOCK: I don't see how.
KIRK: A walk in paradise, among the green grass and flowers. We should've beamed up at the first sign of trouble.
SPOCK: You are under orders to investigate this planet and this culture.
KIRK: I also have the option to disregard those orders if I consider them overly hazardous. This isn't that important a mission, Spock. Not worth the lives of three of my men. I drop my guard for a minute because I like the smell of growing things, and now three men are dead. And the ship's in trouble.
SPOCK: No one has ever stated that Starfleet duty was particularly safe. You've followed the correct and logical course, done everything a commander could do. Self-recriminations -

Spock pulls out the anti-angst hammer on Kirk.

KIRK: Marple, Chekov, at attention. Gentlemen, something or someone is behind that rock. I want it. Marple, cut around the rock to your right. Make a loud noise. Be careful. (Marple leaves) Spock, you and Chekov create a diversion and make it loud.
SPOCK: Mister Chekov, your tricorder readings are totally inefficient!
CHEKOV: Mind your own business, sir! For your information, I have a very high efficiency rating.
SPOCK: Ensign, I will not have you address me in that tone of voice!
CHEKOV: What do you want, violence?

... It always sounded to me like he was saying, "Violins," and I could never understand what the hell he was talking about. Nice to have things clarified!

KIRK: You've been following us, watching us. Why?
AKUTA: I am the eyes of Vaal. He must see.
KIRK: Who is Vaal?
AKUTA: Vaal is Vaal. He is everything.

KIRK: They're not going to hurt you. I promise you. Akuta, Akuta, we come in peace. We would like to speak to this Vaal.
AKUTA: Akuta alone speaks to Vaal. I am the eyes and the voice of Vaal. It is Vaal's wish.
SPOCK: Captain, this is fascinating. If you will permit me, sir?
(Akuta has metal wires sticking out behind from behind his ears.)
KIRK: Antennae?
AKUTA: They are my ears for Vaal. They were given to me in the dim time so the people could understand his commands and obey.

SCOTT [OC]: We'll only be able to maintain full power for sixteen hours, then we burn up for sure.
KIRK: Scotty, you're my Chief Engineer. You know everything about that ship there is to know. More than the men who designed it. If you can't get those warp engines working... You're fired.
SCOTT: I'll do everything there is to do, sir. Scott out.

KIRK: Where are the others?
AKUTA: There are no others.
KIRK: The children.
AKUTA: Children? You use unknown words to me.
KIRK: Little ones like yourselves. They grow.
AKUTA: Replacements. None are necessary. They are forbidden by Vaal.
MARTHA: But when a man and woman fall in love,
AKUTA: Love. Strange words. Children. Love. What is love?
MARTHA: Love is when two people are
(Chekov demonstrates by putting his arm around her waist.)
AKUTA: Ah, yes. The holding, the touching. Vaal has forbidden this.
MCCOY: Well, there goes paradise.

SAYANA: (placing the equivalent of a lei around Kirk's wrist.) Our homes are open to you.
KIRK: Well, thank you. It does something for you.
SPOCK: Yes, indeed it does, Captain. It makes me uncomfortable.

KIRK: Status report, Scotty.
SCOTT: No change, Captain. The orbit is decaying along computed lines. No success with the warp drive. We're going down and we can't stop it.
KIRK: I'm sick of hearing that word can't. Get that ship out of there.
SCOTT: Sir, we're doing everything within engineering reason.
KIRK: Then use your imagination. Tie every ounce of power the ship has into the impulse engines. Discard the warp drive nacelles if you have to, and crack out of there with the main section, but get that ship out of there!
SCOTT: Sir, I'm going to switch over everything but the life-support systems and boost the impulse power, but that's just about as dangerous.
KIRK: Do it. Kirk out.

SPOCK: Doctor, you insist on applying human standards to non-human cultures. I remind you that humans are only a tiny minority in this galaxy.
MCCOY: There are certain absolutes, Mister Spock, and one of them is the right of humanoids to a free and unchained environment, the right to have conditions which permit growth.
SPOCK: Another is their right to choose a system which seems to work for them.
MCCOY: Jim, you're not just going to stand by and be blinded to what's going on here. These are humanoids, intelligent. They need to advance and grow. Don't you understand what my readings indicate? There's been no progress here in at least ten thousand years. This isn't life. It's stagnation.
SPOCK: Doctor, these people are healthy and they are happy. What ever you choose to call it, this system works, despite your emotional reaction to it.
MCCOY: It might work for you, Mister Spock, but it doesn't work for me. Humanoids living so they can service a hunk of tin.
KIRK: Gentlemen, I think this philosophical argument can wait until our ship's out of danger.

AKUTA: Vaal has spoken to me. His words are true. Hear them. We are to kill the strangers.
MAKORA: Kill, Akuta? We do not understand.
AKUTA: It is a thing to do, like, like feeding Vaal. Vaal explained it to me. I will show you. This (the melon) is the head of one of the strangers. Find a heavy stick. Come up from behind the stranger and do this.
(He swings his stick and smashes the melon to pieces.)
AKUTA: It is a simple thing. It is the word of Vaal. It will be done to all of them when the sun returns in the morning.
(But he looks worried.)

SPOCK: I am concerned, Captain. This may not be an ideal society, but it is a viable one.
KIRK: Bones was right. These people aren't living, they're existing. They don't create, they don't produce, they don't even think. They exist to service a machine.
SPOCK: If we do what it seems we must, in my opinion it will be in direct violation of the non-interference directive.
KIRK: These are people, not robots. They should have the opportunity of choice. We owe it to them to interfere.
SPOCK: Starfleet Command may think otherwise.
KIRK: I'll take my chances.

(Lightning threatens.)
KIRK: Let's get out of here!
(But Spock is hit, with a nice hole in the back of his tunic.)
KIRK: Bones!
MCCOY: Second degree burns. Not serious, but I'll bet they smart.
SPOCK: Doctor, you have an unsurpassed talent for understatement.

SPOCK: The good doctor was concerned that the Vaalians achieved true human stature. I submit there is no cause for worry. They've taken the first step. They've learned to kill.

SCOTT: We're ready here, sir. All available power has been channelled into the impulse engines. We have twelve minutes before entering atmosphere.
KIRK: All right, Scotty, put her in full reverse. Get her out of there.
SCOTT: Full reverse, Mister Kyle, all engines.
KYLE: Sir!
SCOTT: Captain, we're doing it. We're pulling away!
KIRK: Scotty, what happened?
KYLE: It's no good, sir. There's only a few systems responding.
SCOTT [OC]: Captain, we've pulled away a little. We gained maybe an hour, but we blew almost every system in the ship doing it.
SCOTT: There's nothing left to try again. I guess you'll have to fire me, sir.
KIRK: You're fired.

KIRK: Scotty, cease fire.
SPOCK: No power generation at all, Captain. Vaal is dead.
KIRK: Mister Scott, status report.
SCOTT: Tractor beam gone. Potency returning to antimatter pods. I'll have all engineering sections working on the circuits immediately. Transporter'll be ready in an hour.
KIRK: Scotty, you're re-hired.

AKUTA: But it was Vaal who put the fruit on the trees, caused the rain to fall. Vaal cared for us.
KIRK: You'll learn to care for yourselves, with our help. And there's no trick to putting fruit on trees. You might enjoy it. You'll learn to build for yourselves, think for yourselves, work for yourselves, and what you create is yours. That's what we call freedom. You'll like it, a lot. And you'll learn something about men and women, the way they're supposed to be. Caring for each other, being happy with each other, being good to each other. That's what we call love. You'll like that, too, a lot. You and your children.
SAYANA (asked while snuggling against another oversized Oompa Loompa): What are children?
KIRK: The little ones? Look like you? Just go on the way you're going. You'll find out.

SPOCK: Captain, you are aware of the biblical story of Genesis.
KIRK: Yes, of course I'm aware of it. Adam and Eve tasted the apple and as a result were driven out of paradise.
SPOCK: Precisely, Captain, and in a manner of speaking, we have given the people of Vaal the apple, the knowledge of good and evil if you will, as a result of which they too have been driven out of paradise.
KIRK: Doctor, do I understand him correctly? Are you casting me in the role of Satan?
SPOCK: Not at all, Captain.
KIRK: Is there anyone on this ship who even remotely looks like Satan?
(McCoy and Kirk walk around Spock. McCoy is gazing intently at his ears.)
SPOCK: I am not aware of anyone who fits that description, Captain.
KIRK: No, Mister Spock. I didn't think you would be.

>:( at Kirk and McCoy! >:( >:( >:(

Full transcript

Date: 2008-12-25 11:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
In the actual show, McCoy sounds very pissy as he says his line. It's kind of baffling. Why would he be so offended by Chekov's comment?

Chekov has a habit of placing any and all historical events inside Russia. The senior officers never found this amusing. Chekov is also an Ensign at this point, and his constant errors over facts does not reflect on his overall performance very well.

Date: 2008-12-26 01:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The reason I'm confused over the attitude isn't Checkov claiming that the Garden of Eden is in Moscow. It's that McCoy got very irate before Checkov made that claim. Sure, it might seem strange for that place to remind someone of the middle of Russia, but hey, it's not like McCoy's ever actually been to Eden to compare it to, either.

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